I feel so numb at times. My dad went into the hospital in mid January, and I've noticed since then that there are times I am just fine & awake one minute, then the next minute I am exhausted and even fall asleep. But in the last week since we were done at my dad's apartment and I've been home, I've noticed that when that happens I am extremely thristy for water, which makes sense why I've been running to the potty A LOT! And yestreday I noticed that when I bent down to get something off the floor and I got back up I was seeing stars... or dots. I don't have health insurance so this is really putting fear in my heart... but isn't that what the devil will try and do??
Last night I was at Bible study and someone said the word "dead" and that kicked me to the hospital room. I was holding my dad's hand telling him how much I loved him and how much I will miss him, and him struggling to say "I love you" back to me. I talked to my dad's "friend" who he put in charge last night and she said she found more stuff for me in the paper work she had to go through... and she was going on and on how this little girl that lives in the apartments and came to see my dad a lot, is having a really hard time. I think something is going on with me... because I'm jealous of the relationship my dad had with this girl. His "friend" goes on and on how much this little girl was important to my dad. And gives her some sort of importance or place in everything.... UGH I guess I'm just being petty... I don't know... I KNOW that I need to get over this, because it could be so easy to just fall into a depression and become useless, and that isn't what my dad would want or it ISN'T what I WANT!!
3 comments:
Sherry -- I am praying for you!! {{HUGS}}
I can't imagine...sending a huge hug!
Sherry, I have read your blog because you asked us to in a post. I have really been thinking about so many aspects of it and would like to share my thoughts with you if you don't mind.
First, I am so sorry for your losses. I can't even begin to imagine two great losses in such a short time. Please know that I am praying along with scores of others for God to give you peace about all of this.
You said you were having extreme thirst and a few other symptoms that would lead toward diabetes. Have you checked these out? You really should because it is serious. ANd there are companies who can help you get your meds and monitors if that is the case.
You mentioned that you had your husband but he was not blood and while that is true..the day you married, in God's eyes you became one. WHich is better than blood. Let him comfort you and find your peace and joy in him. Grieving is a natural process. God gave us tears for a reason, but here is my policy. When I am hurt I allow myself to cry for one hour and then I have to stop. In that one hour I allow myself to scream, cry or what ever.Anything more is self pity. But after that hour I make myself stop until I can't hold on any longer and then I will cry for another hour and then stop. Each time it gets easier and before you know it coping isn't so hard.
You can find comfort in knowing that your dad is singing with the angels!! Try to be positive because negative just detroys you. And lean on your husband because that is one of the reasons God gave him to you.
Don't mean to sound preachy here, I just have alot of experience losing people and this is what has worked for me, I hope it will for you. Most of all don't put off seeing a doctor. God loves you and He knows your pain.
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